a peculiar societal norm

ever since i started at my new hotel, i’ve had multiple conversations with people about whether or not i have kids and when i’ll have them and then when it’s discovered that i don’t want any (oh the horror!), i start having all sorts of interesting conversations. a few days ago, i came up against my toughest questioning, a nice girl who’s my age and has 2 kids of her own. now, we come from vastly different backgrounds, but she used adjectives like ’sad’ and ‘lonely’ to describe childless adults such as myself. and so, i’m renewing my self-exploration as to what it is that makes me not want kids, especially when so many people can’t wait to pop the buggers out.

it’s very important that anyone who reads this should understand that i’m not making judgements and that i don’t apply the standards to which i hold myself to anyone else. people who want kids should have kids.

 however, i’ll go ahead and throw some kindling on whatever fires of controversy burn on whatiseikon: if you have 6+ kids, you have too many. you know it, your kids wearing the 12 year old Lee hand-me-down jeans know it, the people who are around you know it and they talk about you with a mixture of fear, disbelief, and disdain. nobody cares about Jon or Kate. everybody wishes Nadya would just go away. (6 is an almost arbitrary number: the Sanborns have 5 kids and Gilbert and Cherie are just about the greatest parents i’ve ever seen. so i’m going to guess that any more and their heads would melt into a ball of mush. anyway, on to my list.)

-first and foremost, there are too many people in the world. there are 6.7 billion people estimated to be running around this great planet. Chad thinks that i’m wrong when i say that the world isn’t designed to support a population of this sheer size. that’s because he’s silly. feasibly, a finite number of resources could be shared to support an almost infinitely increasing population assuming that everyone played nice and shared and took what they needed. look around and ask yourself, “do people play nice?” i’d like to contribute my life to the benefit of the world, not the overpopulation of it.

-google and read about the sixth extinction. nuff said.

-the US consumes about 25% of the world’s energy yearly. we have about 5% of the world’s population. China, on the other hand has 20% of the world’s population (and is growing 5.5% per year). so if they decide we’re using too much energy (bear with me here), they could make a compelling case at chopstick-point that we need to hand over our incandescent bulbs and SUVs. plus, Jet Li > Chuck Norris (at his current age).

- [insert here] any number of “the world is a crazy place to bring a child into.” think of Baghdad, Mogadishu, Hugo Chavez, USC, pedophiles, smog, Osama’s facial hair, the weakening of the US dollar, ozone depletion, mad bird swine cow flu disease, toy recalls, evil pharmaceutical companies, frivolous lawsuits, child trafficking, DRM, and the like.

-buying a new wardrobe for a pregnant wife. buying pickles and ice cream during the fourth quarter of a Bears game for a pregnant wife. water that breaks.

-to epidural or not to epidural… that is the question.

-diapers. mountains and mountains of diapers. no sleep for a full night. for a very long time. sore backs and arms.

-screening babysitters. paying babysitters. going back home early to let the babysitter go.

-paying about $240,000 over 18 years to raise a child. that’s right, a quarter million dollars.

-unless Nordstrom’s legendary customer service is a reality, you can’t return the kid if you’re not completely satisfied.

-i would hate to spend my child’s life wishing she was grown up.

-i left the gate open today and Wash ran away. will i really do better with mini humans under my care? we bought 9 squash plants this past spring. none of them survived the summer, and we read the articles and followed the directions. how there no parenting license in the billions of governmental regulations?

-all the “what-if’s”… what if the baby has Downs’ syndrome? what if the baby grows up to be a mass murderer? what if i’m a bad parent? what if it looks less like its beautiful momma and more like its wonky daddy?

 

a few choice morsels that other folks came up with:

-in the 12 months after a child is born, sexual activity among average couples drops by more than 40%, with 25% of couples partaking only once a month. that is NOT acceptable.

-parents wishing to offset the C02 emissions resulting from bringing one child into the world would need to plant 1,073 trees.

-60% of mothers say having children caused friendships to be lost.

-childless people save on average 37% by being able to travel and take holidays outside school holidays. and we like to travel.

-women without children earn on average 95% of what men do, whereas women with children earn 75%.

 

Kate is horrified not only at her flabby belly, but the disaster her family has become.

i’m open to any scraps of wisdom anyone may have to toss this dog’s way. comments, please.

happy hour

Becky invited michelle and i to accompany her to a get together for her running group, Team in Training. it was at a neat Mexican place that’s super popular for socialites and TCU students and alumni. very beautiful people, as you can imagine. we sat in a room and drank beer and margaritas and ate delicious salsas and crispy tortilla and sweet potato chips for a couple of hours, chatting with the various runners on the team. some had been doing marathons (and longer) for many years. their necks were wrinkled and brown, their physiques slender. they nursed light beers and smiled easily. others were newer to the running culture. i heard one lady say something simple that caught my attention and immediately started me thinking. she was talking about her experiences training for and running a marathon. it was likely her first, and she made no bones about it.

she talked about how hard it was and how impossible it seemed just training to run for so many hours in a row. and then race day came and while she gave her best, it she didn’t want to finish, and she was just past halfway done. and then her coaches came back for her. they had already finished, their times ridiculously low, and were circling back to encourage their teammates. she had some run alongside her for a mile and then turn back to find other teammates. she had another that met her around mile 20, and finished the next 6 miles with her.

ahhhhhhhhhh. (a moderately loud scream, not a sigh.)

i can’t remember her exact words, but she has never felt so cared for or loved. she can’t even imagine what it’s like to accomplish something that’s extremely draining and then to go back and assist someone else who’s struggling to the exact same thing.

and neither can i.

and so as i thought of difficult things, it made me think of Eikon. most things do.

perhaps this is how the church should work. people who have gone on before us should help us to run races. people who have finished before us should help us finish. and i thought of saints and how their spirits could help us through rough times. if only they could come back from the dead.

oknotreally. but i was so jealous! i want Eikon to make people feel like that–wanted, like they belong. like they have people who give a damn. but something inside didn’t quite allow that thought to settle.

that lady doesn’t remember the face or name of a single person she passed during that race who was cheering for her on the sidewalks alongside the course. i’d bet my life savings on it.

but she does remember the people who came and ran with her for miles and miles. and so, i guess that although i pat myself on the back for the occassional nice things i do for people, it’s not enough to be nice. you can’t throw a single bean into a cup of water and call it coffee. the bean has to be roasted, ground, and brewed. there’s some intense pressure and heat that is required before the flavor is released into the water. the bean is never served with the cup, but the essense of the bean is there until the last drop.

perhaps it’s not just grand gestures, but real sweat and effort, even tears and blood that are required before the essence of joseph (and thereby, Christ, i hope) is able to permeate the souls of people i know.

i don’t think i sacrifice enough. i come home from work tired from being on my feet or dealing with people and a faltering economy. it’s expected that i take some time to decompress, sit and watch tv, waste time online. it’s understandable. it’s what people do. and no one “can” blame me. and nothing disgusts me more than  my fitting nicely into expectations of mediocre people.

over the past 12 months, i think i’ve read and completed 3 books. maybe 4. how does this prepare me for leading a church? what other ways am i being exposed to the best minds in the world on spirituality, theology, and the like? not many. but i DID watch hundreds of movies on Netflix. so i am ready to talk American (and even some foreign!) cinema with you. last month, i cancelled our subscription. i had a couple of old video games on my computer and i would literally murder and maim and desecrate time, probably weeks worth mastering the perfect Curt Schilling curveball and cheating by randomly dropping nuclear missiles on opposing armies during the Middle Ages or creating an instant army of 10 heavy machine gun units to ward off attacking chariot cavalries. it’s amusing the first three or four (hundred?) times. as of last month, i don’t have any games installed on my computer. and while i watched and gamed my way to oblivion, i didn’t pay attention to our finances and we ended up owing the IRS thousands of dollars.

but all that stuff is about me. where have i been entering the furnace or the french press or the 170 degree water and leaving the fragrance of Christ behind? perhaps i project my shortcomings onto my church, wanting the church to do things as a whole. if i can be a part of a church that does great things, it’s like i’m great. i don’t even necessarily have to be there or do the hard work myself. wait. where have i observed that mentality before?

i know i probably set a less than stellar example to my wife, as though she needs my help anyway, but she’s the one who’s teaching the art class every week at the community center. perhaps it’s me that needs to follow the available examples.

i know that this might sound overly negative, so here are some props for the awesome author of this blog: i’ve practiced the guitar more in the past 3 months than i did in the previous 24 that we lived here. and i’m learning Spanish through Rosetta Stone. and i’m reading a very boring book on hotel operations and management. yay.  *throws paper bits from the shredder into the air.*

ideas for postgraduate work

in discussing my future with my friend over in Africa, we were both thoroughly jeally of michelle and her continuing pursuit of higher education. so we started throwing out ideas of what i could take myself. note: some are ideas for my doctoral thesis, so don’t be a hater and steal them.

-puppetry
-manipulation in triadic relationships
-concrete 2D design
-metaphysics
-facial hair artistry
-paper snowflake engineering and production
-pyrotechnics prevention with an emphasis in therapy for people who are easily startled
-phrenology and it’s effect on modern North Korean culture
-the future role of chemical engineering in fuel efficiency reduction
-the concerning relationship between eschatology and the humanizing and training of hominidae Pongo borneo

any other suggestions?

my own little controversy

a special, Islam-themed link dump… here’s the “why”: i came across the stories that i’ll link to at the bottom simply as i was browsing the daily news. it seemed that you, my dear readers, would find them of interest. and then i realized that i should have some good news to balance them out. and so, gather your hasty generalizations and phobias and your racism and discrimination, and let’s all throw them around.

-here’s my nod to the video game community. on an unrelated note, i found out what a “koz” (sp?) player is last night fo’ rizzle. i wasn’t sure if the conversations previously described “cause” or “cost” or what, but it’s truly amazing.

-this community group in sunny San Diego has a current service project list that should make Eikon blush. of course, there are more folks taking ownership in that group and they’ve been around longer. but have you ever heard of a church that helps out with folks who can’t afford a proper burial or memorial service? not a lot of income or membership potential in that. the only Christian i know of that’s involved in hanging out with refugees in the States is my sister. but this Muslim community does it almost WEEKLY. immigrants aren’t sexy, and certainly, the clip art and stock photos on church billboards and websites would lose some of their luster if people with no money or family within 2000 miles were depicted instead… (*busily scribbling notes to myself on what eikonchurch.com version 2.0 will look like). can you imagine no buildings, no flash animations, no sparkling bleached white teeth or big haired pastor’s wives… just a picture of an African or Asian or South American family huddled in a furnishing-absent apartment with a headline that says “Eikon exists for these dudes” or something eloquent like that. hot damn.

-hope for peace with Israel involved? maybe… perhaps unity is possible when both sides make concessions. not popcorn and garlic fries. the other kind.

your Islamic vocab lesson for the day.

word 1: Ihsan. “It is a matter of taking one’s inner faith (iman) and showing it in both deed and action…” use it in a sentence- “Serve Allah and join not any partners with Him: and do good (Ihsan)― to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, those in need, neighbours who are near neighbours who are strangers, the Companion by your side, the way-farer (ye meet)” Surah Nisa 4:36.

word 2: Zakaat. “alms for the poor.” use it in a sentence- “And remember when we took a covenant from the children of Israel: Worship none but Allah and be dutiful to your parents, to kinfolks, to orphans and to poor and speak good to people… and pay Zakaat (Al Baqara 2:83).

for what it’s worth, it’s interesting to note that our sister/parent faith, Judaism, has a similar word,  Tzedakah, which sounds (when pronounced correctly) a lot like Zakaat. so, these 2 ancient world faiths demand charitable giving, and Christianity doesn’t. i’m getting religion envy.

-and now for the not so good. 2 glaring examples (as opposed to the millions of Christian men who ignore, abuse, mistreat, verbally assault, and objectify their wives) of failures. a failed example of painting Muslims in a positive light (unless he turns out to be innocent) and a no-bones-about-it story, only a few steps behind that previous guy.

 

i guess my hopes in posting this are that we will not be judged and condemned as Christ’s followers by the evil of a few, but by the shining light of all Kingdom seekers, and also that we will live as God dreams humankind could… as even the Qur’an says: “Bismillaah ar-Rahman ar-Raheem,” or “in the name God, the infinitely compassionate and merciful…”