happy hour

Becky invited michelle and i to accompany her to a get together for her running group, Team in Training. it was at a neat Mexican place that’s super popular for socialites and TCU students and alumni. very beautiful people, as you can imagine. we sat in a room and drank beer and margaritas and ate delicious salsas and crispy tortilla and sweet potato chips for a couple of hours, chatting with the various runners on the team. some had been doing marathons (and longer) for many years. their necks were wrinkled and brown, their physiques slender. they nursed light beers and smiled easily. others were newer to the running culture. i heard one lady say something simple that caught my attention and immediately started me thinking. she was talking about her experiences training for and running a marathon. it was likely her first, and she made no bones about it.

she talked about how hard it was and how impossible it seemed just training to run for so many hours in a row. and then race day came and while she gave her best, it she didn’t want to finish, and she was just past halfway done. and then her coaches came back for her. they had already finished, their times ridiculously low, and were circling back to encourage their teammates. she had some run alongside her for a mile and then turn back to find other teammates. she had another that met her around mile 20, and finished the next 6 miles with her.

ahhhhhhhhhh. (a moderately loud scream, not a sigh.)

i can’t remember her exact words, but she has never felt so cared for or loved. she can’t even imagine what it’s like to accomplish something that’s extremely draining and then to go back and assist someone else who’s struggling to the exact same thing.

and neither can i.

and so as i thought of difficult things, it made me think of Eikon. most things do.

perhaps this is how the church should work. people who have gone on before us should help us to run races. people who have finished before us should help us finish. and i thought of saints and how their spirits could help us through rough times. if only they could come back from the dead.

oknotreally. but i was so jealous! i want Eikon to make people feel like that–wanted, like they belong. like they have people who give a damn. but something inside didn’t quite allow that thought to settle.

that lady doesn’t remember the face or name of a single person she passed during that race who was cheering for her on the sidewalks alongside the course. i’d bet my life savings on it.

but she does remember the people who came and ran with her for miles and miles. and so, i guess that although i pat myself on the back for the occassional nice things i do for people, it’s not enough to be nice. you can’t throw a single bean into a cup of water and call it coffee. the bean has to be roasted, ground, and brewed. there’s some intense pressure and heat that is required before the flavor is released into the water. the bean is never served with the cup, but the essense of the bean is there until the last drop.

perhaps it’s not just grand gestures, but real sweat and effort, even tears and blood that are required before the essence of joseph (and thereby, Christ, i hope) is able to permeate the souls of people i know.

i don’t think i sacrifice enough. i come home from work tired from being on my feet or dealing with people and a faltering economy. it’s expected that i take some time to decompress, sit and watch tv, waste time online. it’s understandable. it’s what people do. and no one “can” blame me. and nothing disgusts me more than  my fitting nicely into expectations of mediocre people.

over the past 12 months, i think i’ve read and completed 3 books. maybe 4. how does this prepare me for leading a church? what other ways am i being exposed to the best minds in the world on spirituality, theology, and the like? not many. but i DID watch hundreds of movies on Netflix. so i am ready to talk American (and even some foreign!) cinema with you. last month, i cancelled our subscription. i had a couple of old video games on my computer and i would literally murder and maim and desecrate time, probably weeks worth mastering the perfect Curt Schilling curveball and cheating by randomly dropping nuclear missiles on opposing armies during the Middle Ages or creating an instant army of 10 heavy machine gun units to ward off attacking chariot cavalries. it’s amusing the first three or four (hundred?) times. as of last month, i don’t have any games installed on my computer. and while i watched and gamed my way to oblivion, i didn’t pay attention to our finances and we ended up owing the IRS thousands of dollars.

but all that stuff is about me. where have i been entering the furnace or the french press or the 170 degree water and leaving the fragrance of Christ behind? perhaps i project my shortcomings onto my church, wanting the church to do things as a whole. if i can be a part of a church that does great things, it’s like i’m great. i don’t even necessarily have to be there or do the hard work myself. wait. where have i observed that mentality before?

i know i probably set a less than stellar example to my wife, as though she needs my help anyway, but she’s the one who’s teaching the art class every week at the community center. perhaps it’s me that needs to follow the available examples.

i know that this might sound overly negative, so here are some props for the awesome author of this blog: i’ve practiced the guitar more in the past 3 months than i did in the previous 24 that we lived here. and i’m learning Spanish through Rosetta Stone. and i’m reading a very boring book on hotel operations and management. yay.  *throws paper bits from the shredder into the air.*