Constantine

i have a tag cloud over on the side of the blog, and i generally have a group of very big tags used frequently. the others are quite small. score one for the environmental tag.

a good old friend of mine whom i have never met posted this. let me give you the 1 sentence version, as he aptly states, “we have become dependent on plastic more than religion.”

french connection United Kingdom Walmart.

happy hour

Becky invited michelle and i to accompany her to a get together for her running group, Team in Training. it was at a neat Mexican place that’s super popular for socialites and TCU students and alumni. very beautiful people, as you can imagine. we sat in a room and drank beer and margaritas and ate delicious salsas and crispy tortilla and sweet potato chips for a couple of hours, chatting with the various runners on the team. some had been doing marathons (and longer) for many years. their necks were wrinkled and brown, their physiques slender. they nursed light beers and smiled easily. others were newer to the running culture. i heard one lady say something simple that caught my attention and immediately started me thinking. she was talking about her experiences training for and running a marathon. it was likely her first, and she made no bones about it.

she talked about how hard it was and how impossible it seemed just training to run for so many hours in a row. and then race day came and while she gave her best, it she didn’t want to finish, and she was just past halfway done. and then her coaches came back for her. they had already finished, their times ridiculously low, and were circling back to encourage their teammates. she had some run alongside her for a mile and then turn back to find other teammates. she had another that met her around mile 20, and finished the next 6 miles with her.

ahhhhhhhhhh. (a moderately loud scream, not a sigh.)

i can’t remember her exact words, but she has never felt so cared for or loved. she can’t even imagine what it’s like to accomplish something that’s extremely draining and then to go back and assist someone else who’s struggling to the exact same thing.

and neither can i.

and so as i thought of difficult things, it made me think of Eikon. most things do.

perhaps this is how the church should work. people who have gone on before us should help us to run races. people who have finished before us should help us finish. and i thought of saints and how their spirits could help us through rough times. if only they could come back from the dead.

oknotreally. but i was so jealous! i want Eikon to make people feel like that–wanted, like they belong. like they have people who give a damn. but something inside didn’t quite allow that thought to settle.

that lady doesn’t remember the face or name of a single person she passed during that race who was cheering for her on the sidewalks alongside the course. i’d bet my life savings on it.

but she does remember the people who came and ran with her for miles and miles. and so, i guess that although i pat myself on the back for the occassional nice things i do for people, it’s not enough to be nice. you can’t throw a single bean into a cup of water and call it coffee. the bean has to be roasted, ground, and brewed. there’s some intense pressure and heat that is required before the flavor is released into the water. the bean is never served with the cup, but the essense of the bean is there until the last drop.

perhaps it’s not just grand gestures, but real sweat and effort, even tears and blood that are required before the essence of joseph (and thereby, Christ, i hope) is able to permeate the souls of people i know.

i don’t think i sacrifice enough. i come home from work tired from being on my feet or dealing with people and a faltering economy. it’s expected that i take some time to decompress, sit and watch tv, waste time online. it’s understandable. it’s what people do. and no one “can” blame me. and nothing disgusts me more than  my fitting nicely into expectations of mediocre people.

over the past 12 months, i think i’ve read and completed 3 books. maybe 4. how does this prepare me for leading a church? what other ways am i being exposed to the best minds in the world on spirituality, theology, and the like? not many. but i DID watch hundreds of movies on Netflix. so i am ready to talk American (and even some foreign!) cinema with you. last month, i cancelled our subscription. i had a couple of old video games on my computer and i would literally murder and maim and desecrate time, probably weeks worth mastering the perfect Curt Schilling curveball and cheating by randomly dropping nuclear missiles on opposing armies during the Middle Ages or creating an instant army of 10 heavy machine gun units to ward off attacking chariot cavalries. it’s amusing the first three or four (hundred?) times. as of last month, i don’t have any games installed on my computer. and while i watched and gamed my way to oblivion, i didn’t pay attention to our finances and we ended up owing the IRS thousands of dollars.

but all that stuff is about me. where have i been entering the furnace or the french press or the 170 degree water and leaving the fragrance of Christ behind? perhaps i project my shortcomings onto my church, wanting the church to do things as a whole. if i can be a part of a church that does great things, it’s like i’m great. i don’t even necessarily have to be there or do the hard work myself. wait. where have i observed that mentality before?

i know i probably set a less than stellar example to my wife, as though she needs my help anyway, but she’s the one who’s teaching the art class every week at the community center. perhaps it’s me that needs to follow the available examples.

i know that this might sound overly negative, so here are some props for the awesome author of this blog: i’ve practiced the guitar more in the past 3 months than i did in the previous 24 that we lived here. and i’m learning Spanish through Rosetta Stone. and i’m reading a very boring book on hotel operations and management. yay.  *throws paper bits from the shredder into the air.*

ideas for postgraduate work

in discussing my future with my friend over in Africa, we were both thoroughly jeally of michelle and her continuing pursuit of higher education. so we started throwing out ideas of what i could take myself. note: some are ideas for my doctoral thesis, so don’t be a hater and steal them.

-puppetry
-manipulation in triadic relationships
-concrete 2D design
-metaphysics
-facial hair artistry
-paper snowflake engineering and production
-pyrotechnics prevention with an emphasis in therapy for people who are easily startled
-phrenology and it’s effect on modern North Korean culture
-the future role of chemical engineering in fuel efficiency reduction
-the concerning relationship between eschatology and the humanizing and training of hominidae Pongo borneo

any other suggestions?

Phil McCracken

this past weekend, i had the privilege of going to see a concert. i don’t remember how it was billed, but i certainly walked in assuming that 15+ year veteran songwriter Charlie Hall would be headlining. i was wrong, and as soon as the main act took the stage, it was immediately apparent why my assumption was incorrect. but we’ll get to that. Charlie is a small fellow from OKC with a goatee that is one of the most amazing i have ever seen. he stroked it thoughtfully and affectionately during the spaces in between songs as he talked about life and God. i walked in with the notion that Charlie’s best songwriting days are behind him. he started off so strongly, writing songs that captured the imaginations of hundreds of thousands of people around the world, writing of hope and eternity and life with a rare poetic force. but ever since then, it seemed that it may have been more of a personal exploration and experimentation… one that i and many others quickly lost interest in. i don’t know that this trend has stopped, however, there were 3 songs in his 10 song set that caught my attention.

the first song was his opener, called “new year.” it was played powerfully, and while it still some of the awkwardness that has entangled Charlie’s lyrics recently, it hints at a page turning. “i’m held in a place, a beautiful space, where heaven meets the earth, my heart opens wide and the Father pours life, deep inside my soul…where hope can hold my hand of sorrow.” Charlie briefly spoke of difficult times he has gone through recently. this song is a brilliant example of a composer opening up his soul and creating something beautiful our of the muck… something that others can read and relate to and worship to. Charlie also spoke of a liturgical service he had been visiting to take communion and clear his head every few weeks. some of the liturgy stuck with him, and out popped the song “mystery,” which easily gave me hope that Charlie is coming back strong.

“mystery” has some interesting words which after doing a quick bit of research, brings up some interesting points about liturgy, scriptural interpretation, and lyrics in worship songs. in March, Becky, and hesitantly, Chad, took issue with the lyrics of a couple of songs we sang at a worship gathering. one song says “i am stained with dirt, prone to depravity… You are everything that is bright and clean, the antonym of me.” another says “i’m so unworthy, but still You love me.” they happened to be sung on the same night, and it set off a mini controversy. i thought about my ideas of original sin and Augustine and Calvinism when i agreed (Levi suggested it) to use the first song. i think that although David Crowder might theologize one way or another, i’ll go ahead and take his words as they’re written. i AM, in fact, prone to depravity. i’m an asshole. no ifs, ands, and there are most certainly butts. but the key word is “prone.” if others finds themselves otherwise, then by all means, don’t sing the song or that line, or at least let’s chat about it. however, i’ve sung and lead songs that don’t accurately describe how i’m feeling or aren’t completely in line with my life’s story. but singing these words together unites us, brings us into unity by acknowledging and honoring our community’s roads as a whole and as individuals.

back to the research: King James (dang him to heck!) scribes added the idea that Jesus body is “broken” for you. so the uberdramatic lifting high and breaking of the loaf at the Presby church is really an extrabiblical idea. the literal word there is Jesus telling his disciples that his body is “given” for them. perhaps not a big difference in the grand scheme of things, but shouldn’t we be obsessed with truth? especially when it’s something simple like this, within our grasp. we have the chance to stop the perpetuation of false notions of our faith….. or we could leave it to someone else.

the lyrics to this song are simple, but are so powerful in light of the circumstance from whence they spring: “Sweet Jesus Christ my sanity. Sweet Jesus Christ my clarity… Christ has died and Christ has risen and Christ will come again.”

on the whole, it’s good to see the return of great lyrics to go with the usually creative music Charlie produces. and now on to Phil.

Phil, Phil, Phil. awesome, awesome, awesome. he and his band played with so much energy, and their songs are all written so abnormally well. there’s nothing predictable or formulaic about them. most of the songs he played were from the “Cannons” album but he threw a couple new ones out there for our enjoyment also. Phil didn’t waste any time blabbing–everything he stopped and talked about was coherent and flowed. it didn’t seem scripted, but it was smooth enough to re-inspire me to have thought about the things i say when i get to lead people in musical worship.

he has this voice that’s higher than your average guy, but it’s so pretty. michelle remarked that it is good to hear someone sing live and sound just as good as they do in the studio. i concur. all this was very encouraging to me. the writing and the musical execution… the whole thing. but the setting was a bit foreign. it’s been so long since i’ve been to a concert, let alone a “Christian” concert. the last place where i’ve seen that many people physically expressing their hearts was many years ago in san diego at a conference. and there was something unnerving occurring. the people in front of us were probably staff members of the hosting church, based on snippets of conversation we overheard and the sheer number of people coming by to say hello. and every few minutes, they would bust out their phones and tweet or facebook or text. and then they would spend a few minutes sitting and watching. and then they would occasionally stand up and sing, sometimes raising their hands. it wasn’t just them, this was happening all over the room. and it secretly horrified me. i know worship music is a hot commodity, but to see the blatant consumption-engaging only in familiar songs they liked, ignoring the rest, and being so incredibly disrespectful to the artists on stage-it kinda killed a corner of my heart. they are the people that are leading this church, the people whose every moves are being analyzed non-stop, and this is the example they present for their church.

i desperately hope that the things i value will be the things i outwardly show have importance to me. and i hope that nothing i do detracts from those unspoken messages. and if not, then i need to question how much i truly care about worship and art and the worth humans have and the respect that God deserves.